Jim said to Sarah that the catastrophic event that had just happened was a meteor hitting the Earth. "It shook very violently" said Monica. "You don’t say" replied Edward.
Jane is a lawyer and is best friends with Monica who went to college with Elizabeth who dated Jim then. Once said by Jim – "Oh, what a small world we live in".
What do you think of it? Do you think I could be the next Lisa Green? Thank you.
Its a good concept, but I would start it differently. Make it suspenseful, so that the reader wnats to read more. I would possibly start it off like this:
"It shook very violently" said Monica.
"You don’t say" replied Edward.
Jim told Sarah that the catastrophic event that had just happened was a meteor hitting the Earth.
etc, etc, etc,
I think starting off with a quote grabs the readers attention. Especially your quote becuase ppl WANT to know what "shook very violently"
Anyways, good luck!!!
Also check out my question:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhNgIwVFBgfgTIS.eDP3iCPsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081020085746AA53Bsa
Thanks!!!